Learning To Love Yourself

by - Wednesday, February 08, 2017

Good Morning!
I hope you're having a wonderful day.

So this is a topic which I have wanted to open up about for a while now but it's taken me a couple of months to think about what I actually want to say and whether I want to tell everyone about the way I feel and today, I'm ready. I've spoken about my experience of bullying before here on my blog and I explained how I hated absolutely everything about myself because everyone else did too. However. from this experience, I've learnt to hate myself and now I'm trying to learn to love myself but at the same time I feel I also shouldn't try so hard.

I know I should love and appreciate my body for how it is. I have a body which I know a lot of people would die to have. I'm a size 12 due to my hips and I'm a size 8/10 in tops. I have the hourglass figure which people also train for months to try and have. As much as I love my figure, it's the one thing I do love about my body, I hate the rest of it. 

To me, my thighs are massive, I have horrible flabby back fat which you can grip hold of and don't even get me started on my love handles, or my baby fat on my tummy. The strangest thing is, I spend so long hating all of these different things about my body, but I'll look at someone who is "bigger" than me, or has larger areas of the "back fat", and to me I think they're beautiful. So why am I spending so much hating my body? I don't want to be stick thin with a straight figure, but I know I'm never going to be happy with the body I've got. 

Back in the New Year I made a new years resolution to work out every day and to a lose a certain amount of weight but part of me no longer wants to do either of these. Although working out every day makes me feel incredible, it also makes me feel constantly exhausted which is something I really don't want. As much as I'd love to be the weight I used to be, I know the doctors hated me being that weight because I was "underweight", which is why they wanted me to put on more. To be honest, even though I've put on weight on the scales, the weight has gone to places such as my boobs and my bum; places which my boyfriend absolutely loves and he doesn't want them to change.

That's something else. They always say don't find someone to love until you can love yourself. But I've found that person I love, and he loves everything about me which I hate, but I'm still struggling to love myself instead of hating every day. How can I change this? How can I love something which makes me feel horrible? I just don't think I can.

I don't know how I feel half the time and I don't know what step to take next. How do you learn to love yourself? Or do you just start to accept yourself the way you are? But then, how do you do this?

I'll see you soon

Kimberley Jessica

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